Disorder in The Court

> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
>
>
__________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of
> the impact?
> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>
>
__________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect
> your memory at all?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your
> memory?
> WITNESS: I forget.
> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example
> of something you
> forgot?
>
>
__________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband
> said to you that
> morning?
> WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
> WITNESS: My name is Susan!
>
>
>
__________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a
> person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it
> until the next morning?
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
>
>
__________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old,
> how old is he?
> WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
>
>
__________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was
> taken?
> WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?
>
>
__________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby)
> was August 8th?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
> WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid!
>
>
__________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> WITNESS: None.
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honour, I
> think I need a different attorney.
> Can I get a new attorney?
>
>
__________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
> WITNESS: By death.
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
> WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose
> terminated it?
>
>
__________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a
> beard.
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> WITNESS: Guess.
>
>
__________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning
> pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your
> attorney?
> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to
> work.
>
>
__________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have
> you performed on dead people?
> WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead
> people. Would you like to rephrase that?
>
>
_________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
> What school did you go to?
> WITNESS: Oral.
>
>
_________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you
> examined
> the body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table
> wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
>
>
_________________________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine
> sample?
> WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that
> question?
>
>
_________________________________________________________
> And the best for last:
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the
> autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the
> patient
> was alive when you began the autopsy?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk
> in a jar.
> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still
> been alive,nevertheless?
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have
> been alive and practicing law.